After however many days we have been here (and it's hard to keep track), we're starting to get a sense of what we can do to help internally displaced Haitians. More about official issues and goings-on on the
You.Me.We. blog. Here, I share some personal observations about what we've seen and experienced.
Although I'm going to take a stab at it, it's hard to adequately describe the strange disconnect between being in the hotel and outside the hotel. The hotel is across the street from a large camp. There are neat rows of tents, clearly laid out and set up by some organization or other. But then there are the add-ons: tents adjuncted on to the ones that are sturdier. These tents are made of corrugated aluminum sheets, plastic tarps,and whatever scraps of wood or cardboard needed to patch the gaps. Every bit of space in Port-au-Prince that's not covered by an existing structure or rubble from a former structure is covered with a tent of some kind. The fear of being indoors is pervasive. The Haitians we've talked to have all expressed a preference for sleeping outside. Fear of another earthquake is prevalent.


And yet, the people of PAP seem to want to go home, so much so that we were told by one camp director that residents of the camp go back to their home sites during the day, if they're not going to work, and then return to the camp at night to sleep.
A couple of days ago, we decided to take a walk around the area of our hotel in Port-au-Prince. So we left the seclusion of our compound (what the doctors here call it) and headed out past our locked gate. A man approached us as soon as we got out of the hotel, a pretty normal experience since we've been here. Someone is forever offering his services as a driver, an artist, a guard. This man's name was Michael, and he told us that he had been asked by our driver from the airport to keep an eye on us and to escort us anywhere we wanted to walk outside the compound. He seemed earnest, so we let him escort us. He asked where we wanted to go and we told him that we hoped to see the Red Cross headquarters for the tent city across from the hotel. And we were off.
Having seen a lot of rubble the night before, it didn't surprise us to see more as we took off down the street, past rows and rows of tents. For a few minutes, I thought that I might even just get used to the sight. You've seen one building reduced to rubble, and you've seen 'em all, right? Not exactly.Initially we were walking primarily past the tent city, so there wasn't a lot of rubble to see. As we got further down the street, though, we saw something staggering. It was the National Palace, looking like a wedding cake someone had dropped.
All along our way, we were followed and approached by young boys or men: "Pretty lady! Pretty lady! Give me some money!" Some were clever enough to ask if I spoke one of their languages before they launched into the Pretty Lady routine.
We didn't just meet men, though. We met young women. Not even. Young girls. We had stopped to take pictures of some men digging through rubble to find the metal embedded within it so they could sell it (above), and we noticed a beautiful young girl -- about my daughter Emma's age, I would guess -- staring at us. I asked her if I could take her picture. She spoke no English, and I speak no French or Creole. So I pointed to the camera and then to her. She shook her head, no. So I smiled at her and put the camera down to let her know I understood. She shyly pivoted on one foot, looking down at the ground, and then nodded yes. I pointed the camera in her direction and smiled at her. She smiled back and I took her picture. I closed the few steps between us and showed her my camera viewer so she could see the picture of herself. She smiled shyly. I asked her how old she was; she didn't understand, of course. I asked Michael to translate for me, so he asked her how old she is. She told us through Michael that she is 15. I gave her the look I give my daughters when I know --
know -- that they're not telling the truth. She revised her answer: 13. I looked at her, smiled, and held up ten fingers. She didn't deny it. Why would a 9- or 10-year-old girl tell perfect strangers that she's 15? The obvious answer makes my heart ache. My own daugher is 9. She's afraid to be in the house alone when I walk to the corner to retrieve her sister from the bus stop. Her favorite store ever is Build-a-Bear. She wants to be a zoologist. She doesn't have the first foggiest idea why a girl her age would need to tell strangers that she's 15. I wish this girl and all the girls like her in Haiti didn't either.

Our guide Michael is tall, gentle man. His English is excellent, and he seems very protective of us. When we asked him to take us to the Red Cross, we thought we were going to the Red Cross tent in the tent city. After a while, though, it was clear that's not where we were going. To be honest, there were times when it occurred to us that maybe we were being led into some kind of horrible ambush. He took us through some parts of town that made us nervous, despite our bravado. We walked down one very long street that was lined with vendors selling scrap car parts, scrap metal, scrap wood, motor oil, antifreeze, you name it. The street was filled with groups of men talking, arguing, fixing cars, watching football. We were the only women on the street and the only whites on the street. We stood out.

Michael (above, talking to Kathy) helped answer the "why" questions that we had as well as the "what" questions. For example, why does that pile of rubble have three neat concrete slabs through it? Because that was a three-story building that completed collapsed to the ground. The slabs that had once been the foundations for each floor were almost completely intact. Michael pointed out what was dawning on us: there was no possible way to have recovered the bodies from those buildings. Filling the piles of rubble on either side of the street were the lost, the dead, the missing. What must it be like to walk down the streets of your neighborhood and wonder about your wife, your child, your friends: is she in there where she worked? or in the house next door where she visited friends? was my child crushed in her school? or maybe underneath a building she walked near on the way home?

That's probably enough for now. I've learned quickly in Haiti that you can only process so much at a time. We've been here days. It feels like months. We want to go home. We want to stay.